If Tomorrow Never Comes
by Cerasi J
Summary: What if Audrey never existed? What if Monica didn’t get that second chance? Tomorrow almost didn’t come. For her. For me. For the both of us.


**Title:** If Tomorrow Never Comes

**Author:** Cerasi J.

**Rating:** PG

**Spoilers:** /Audrey Pauley/

**Category:** S9, DRR, and other sappy stuff.

**Website:** http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/fanfictiononline

**Feedback:** Plllleeeaaassseee??? CerasiJ@for-president.com

**Archive:** The Vision, XFMU, FanFiction.Net, FanFiction Online, Gossamer, Addicted to Doggett 

**Summary:** What if Audrey never existed? What if Monica didn't get that second chance? Tomorrow almost didn't come. For her. For me. For the both of us.

**Disclaimer:** Okay, John and Monica belong to Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish, (Why the hell should they belong to Carter? He didn't play them!) And the song "If Tomorrow Never Comes" belongs to Garth Brooks and all his cronies.  ****

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**John Doggett residence**

**Falls Church, Virginia**

**1:09 a.m.**

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I didn't wake up with a start, like I sometimes do when I have a bad dream about Luke.  I just opened my eyes and thought, No way; that HAD to be a dream.  

Because stuff like that only happens in the movies, where the girl is injured and the guy never told her how much he loves her, and then she wakes up and everything is flowers and bunnies and they get married and live happily ever after.

Then I remembered: That girl was Monica, that guy was me and it was just like a bad B movie, or one of those sappy romance books I sometimes catch Monica reading in our office. Girl gets hurt, guy pines away, girl wakes up and they live happily ever after.  Sort of like Romeo and Juliet, only without the whole murder-suicide deal.  

          But this time it was real, it was all real.  Every doctor in the world could have looked at Monica and told me, "Dude, she's dead, pull the plug, don't let her live this way."  But I knew better, maybe at times I thought that she wouldn't make it, but I knew in my heart she had to, because if she died, I'd die, too.

          But somehow, God and Audrey gave her back to me.  I had promised that if she came back, I would tell her I loved her and I would never, ever leave her.  But… maybe, maybe somewhere, deep down inside of me, I almost never expected that to happen.

          And when it /_did/_ happen I was so surprised and shocked I couldn't think of anything to say.  Just like tonight, when I saw her walkin' up those stairs to her apartment, all I could think of was, "How do I tell her?"

          I put my hands behind my head, it seemed I wasn't going to fall asleep again anytime soon.  How would I tell her, anyway? God knows I love her with all my heart; she's never let me down.  She tells me she'll pick me up at 8:00; she gets there at 7:59.  

          But, /_how do I tell her?/_ Just walk up to her, kiss her and proclaim my undying love for her? I don't think so.  There is always the option of sending her anonymous love letters.  No… then she might think it was Brad.  God, I hate that guy.  I see the way he looks at her, like he owns her and everyone else in that damn FBI building…

          /_Stop it/,_ I told myself, /_you're getting off track./_

          I could always call her and tell her. No, I want to tell her face-to-face.  I could write her a poem… I used to write Barb poems… when I was in high school, twenty-thousand years ago.  __

          Maybe I just shouldn't tell her at all! That would be much easier.  I rolled over and punched my pillow in frustration. I missed the pillow, however, and wound up punching the headboard, which somehow jiggled the wires of my very persnickety alarm clock, causing the radio to come on.  A light, country melody floated out thought the darkness.  

I don't listen to country music, I like classic rock, but somehow the last time I was cleaning my bedroom, (which was a good month ago, it doesn't get dirty that often) I was trying to find the classic rock station, but I'm not very handy with finding stations, so I settled for the Dixie Chicks instead of Led Zeppelin.

          I swore very loud and shook my fist, attempting to shake the pain away.  I reached over to turn off the radio, but the last lines to a song caught my attention:

So tell that someone that you love 

_Just what you're thinking of _

_If tomorrow never comes_

          I stared at the radio in amazement; that was so true.  And so helpful in my situation.  Who sang that song, anyway?  At that moment the DJ announced the title of the song and the artist.

          Well, now it had me curious! I wanted to hear the whole song!  So I did what any curious listener would do: Got out of bed, pulled on a shirt, turned on my computer and downloaded the song.

          While I was waiting for the song to download, I checked my e-mail.  Mostly junk mail, one from my mom, and two forwarded jokes from Monica.  I read the ones from Monica and replied to my mother that no, I wasn't coming for a visit any time soon.

          By the time I completed all this, the song had finished downloading.  I clicked "Preview" and waited with baited breath.

_Sometimes late at night _

_I lie awake and watch her sleeping _

_She's lost in peaceful dreams _

_So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark _

_And the thought crosses my mind _

_If I never wake up in the morning _

_Would she ever doubt the way I feel _

_About her in my heart? _

_If tomorrow never comes _

_Will she know how much I loved her? _

_Did I try in every way to show her every day _

_That she's my only one? _

_And if my time on earth were through _

_And she must face the world without me _

_Is the love I gave her in the past _

_Gonna be enough to last _

_If tomorrow never comes? _

_'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life _

_Who never knew how much I loved them _

_Now I live with the regret _

_That my true feelings for them never were revealed _

_So I made a promise to myself _

_To say each day how much she means to me _

_And avoid that circumstance _

_Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel _

_If tomorrow never comes _

_Will she know how much I loved her? _

_Did I try in every way to show her every day _

_That she's my only one? _

_And if my time on earth were through _

_And she must face the world without me _

_Is the love I gave her in the past _

_Gonna be enough to last _

_If tomorrow never comes? _

_So tell that someone that you love _

_Just what you're thinking of _

_If tomorrow never comes_

          I sat at the computer screen in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt in utter silence.  That song hit home for me.  In every way possible.  I turned off the computer, still thinking about how much that song now meant to me.

          I went back to bed and I had a thought as I laid down, _What if Audrey never existed? What if Monica didn't get that second chance? Tomorrow almost didn't come. For her. For me. For the both of us._

          That thought scared me because it was true.  I owed it to Audrey to tell Monica that I loved her.  Another thought hit me and I smiled.  I pulled the blankets up around me and drifted back into sleep.  Now I could finally tell her.

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          The next morning was a Saturday, at 9:15 I gave Monica a call, she probably wouldn't answer, she was probably still asleep… I was just about to hang up when she answered.

"Hello?"

          "Monica?"

          "Yes?"

          "Hey… it's John."

          "Hi!"

          "How are you feeling?" I ask.

          "Oh, much better, hungry, I'm looking for something for breakfast."

          It's now or never I tell myself, "Oh, well, I was just, uh, calling to see if you could help me with something…"

          "Anything, name it."

          "Well… I want you to help me find a dog."

          She laughs, "A dog, John? How come?"

          "Because," I said, smiling into the phone, "tomorrow might never come."

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R/R please! I'm addicted to feedback!

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